In Lovina... Goodbye Ubud!

Well, I guess for everyone, traveling has it's ups and it's downs, and it's been a bad couple of days for me. I am still reveling in the lush beauty that is Bali, but at the moment it is difficult for me to think about anything but home, and how, at home, I don't have to worry about getting sick from fruit or mosquitoes.

Yes, readers, I am a self professed (not to mention clinical!) hypochondriac. I have always had OCD, but never really worried about my health until I moved to Korea. About a year ago, around Christmastime, I had a sudden panic attack about my situation. What if I get in an accident before I can go home and see my family again? What if I have some hidden cancer or neurological disease lying dormant just waiting to rear it's ugly head? What if I have to go through all kinds of horrible medical procedures while away from home? What if I never make it home?

It became an obsession, first taking the form of ALS, and when I didn't feel so twitchy (also, after seeing the movie PS: I Love You) I became thoroughly convinced that I had a brain tumour. Indeed, I would get a headache every day after seeing the movie and I was actually certain that I had one, and that every Korean doctor I would see was having trouble with the language barrier. That was not a good time for me, and I'm not even sure how I managed to get through it without chickening out and going home. I guess it helped that I met Patrick and suddenly wasn't alone anymore. Yoga also helped. But it never really goes away. I'm always worrying about some part of my body.

Sooo, travelling with this affliction (let's call it an affliction) isn't the easiest thing in the world. Especially in Southeast Asia, where, it seems, illness is just waiting for you to come visit. The last few days have been very difficult for me and it's all Patrick can do to try and talk some sense into me. All I want to do is see a doctor every day. Also, I simply want to cut and run home when the anxiety is bad. But then I think about all the planning and excitement that I've put into this trip and how I need to follow through with it and that keeps me somewhat afloat. I just hate having to deal with all this anxiety, and even if I got reassurance from a doctor every day, it still would not make the anxiety go away. And, indeed, simply beng anxious all the time makes me 100 times more sick than I would be without anxiety. Headaches, nausea, trembling- everything is associated with anxiety. Which also kind of sucks, because what if, for once, it isn't simply anxiety? There's never any way to tell, and the uncertainty of my situation makes me all the more worried.

Sorry, no happy stories today- although we had a great time at our cooking class yesterday and I will certainly post pictures soon. Don't worry, I just needed to vent. More tomorrow :) xo